Since the birth of my new baby girl 3 months ago, my older daughter who is 3 1/2 has been good for the most part. She was there during the birth to watch everything go down on a second to second basis. She is one little girl that can say she took part in a birthing experience, watching her baby sister come out. For the first month after I gave birth, my mother in law was with us to help us out, especially when it came to our household. However, a lot of energy went into spending quality time with our older daughter. She took her to the nursery to look at flowers, they went to the grocery store, and took nice strolls around the neighborhood.
Once my mother in law left, I saw a switch in my daughter. She wanted to be around me more and wanted to cling on to me. Just to let you know, my daughter is the most independent little girl I have seen. From the day she started walking, she opened up the fridge to get her own drinks, and I am not joking. She literally potty trained herself at 17 months in one day. She was super independent and people were always so surprised to find out her age because of her level of maturity.
The day after my mother in law left, she acted differently, and wanted to be held constantly. She didn’t even want to go to preschool which was very odd for my daughter because she loved going there. I then paid close attention to her needs and realized that the switch from being an only child, to now, having to share everything with her little sister, was the biggest change of her life. Of course, I should of known that. I just assumed because she was so independent that she would adjust to it, as if nothing happened. I completely forgot that she was still a baby and needed time for the adjustment.
I couldn’ t tell you how many time outs I gave her while I tried to nurse the little one. The amount of times I had to be direct with her and tough on her, telling that her behavior was unacceptable as an older sister. But really, when I look back on it, she was (and is) still a child. How would she know what older sister behavior was suppose to be like? She was (and is) still a little girl trying to figure it all out. After I had time to think, it broke my heart to automatically expect my daughter to adjust, without really explaining to her in detail about the feelings she was having. It actually brings me to tears everytime I think about it because when it comes down to it, she is my baby.
Just recently, she has been saying to me, “Mommy, I miss you.” Everytime she says that to me, my heart skips a beat because she is speaking from the heart. So one day, I sat her down and asked her why she had missed me. She sat there quietly. So I proceeded to ask her if she felt that way because she felt that her sister is receiving all the love. She honestly said “yes.” I also asked if she missed the quality time that we use to always spend together and she also said “yes.” I explained to her that her sister was still a little baby and I had to take care of her. She understood. From that day forth, even if I am busy tending to the baby’s needs, I make sure I hear her out. Just as she is learning, I am constantly learning and evolving as a mother.
